


Delivery Dan

by Spring_Haze



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Christmas, Christmas Smut, Christmas Tree, Dirty Talk, Humor, Husbands, Inspired by Phil Lester's Twitter, Jealous Dan Howell, M/M, Rough Sex, Sexual Fantasy, Sexual Roleplay, kilt, married
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-04-24 11:20:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19172233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spring_Haze/pseuds/Spring_Haze
Summary: Dan puts forth maximum effort to surprise his husband with elaborate sexual role play on a cold, December night.





	Delivery Dan

Dan was in rehearsal when the notification for Phil's tweet came through. His phone buzzed inside of his pocket, and he briefly wondered if everything was okay at home. 

Dan finished his talk, quite pleased with himself, and walked to the corner of the lounge area that served as a green room. He pulled out his phone to see his husband's tweet:

Phil Lester @ama...- 29 min.  
Getting a Christmas tree delivered today and the only delivery option was 'personal driver in a kilt and santa hat.' I'm excited but also kinda scared?

There was a photo with a rather buff-looking man holding a tree in a kilt and Santa hat. What the actual fuck?

Oh hell no. Dan wasn't due home until 8:00 pm. Surely, the 'I-want-your-husband' delivery man would be by the house before then. Dan immediately called Phil.

"Hey, Babe, how are things going?" Phil sounded genuinely interested in what was happening. It was a big day for Dan, and Phil had been incredibly supportive.

"Good, great actually. How are things at home?" Dan turned his back to the room so that he could have a bit more privacy. "I miss you."

"Aww, Dan, I miss you too. But hey, I am really glad that things are going well. I know that you’ll be amazing." Dan could hear Phil fumbling with some sort of paper.

"So ... saw your tweet about the tree." Dan swallowed thickly. "You said that it would be delivered while I was out, but Phil, you never said anything about a man in a kilt."

Phil giggled. "Oh that, yeah. Isn't that funny?"

Dan didn't think it was very funny. In fact, he wanted to leave early and intercept the whole damned thing.

"Yeah, it's hilarious, Phil." Dan tried not to sound irritated. He knew that Phil could be put off by his jealousy. "Anyway, send me a photo would you? I can't wait to get home."

"Of course. And I can't wait to see you. I’ll have dinner waiting. We can do hot chocolate and start decorating afterward, yeah?"

Dan couldn't help but to smile. There was nothing that he loved more about the season than to snuggle with Phil in front of their tree with hot chocolate and kisses.

"I can't wait. Sounds amazing, Babe." Dan traced the YouTube logo on the wall with his finger and smiled fondly.

"Good luck, Dan. I love you so much."

"Thanks, Phil. I love you too."

"Hey, Dan?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't worry about the delivery man." Phil giggled and sighed sweetly. "Because I know that you are."

"Am not." Dan adjusted his posture and picked at his thumb nail.

"Love you, Dan."

"Love you too, Phil."

* * *   
Everything had gone off perfectly. Dan felt really good about it, and he wished that Phil could have seen him. More than anything, Dan was excited to have been released almost ninety minutes early. His driver was a bit slow, but other than that, Dan was very happy to be headed home to see his husband. 

He decided that it should be a surprise. Maybe he would even get to see the tree be delivered. He wasn't sure if he wanted to see the delivery man, but at least he could be there to remind Phil to whom he was married if he happened to be gorgeous.

Dan's heart raced as the driver finally pulled up to the curb in front of their flat. He paid the man and slid out of the car. He looked up to see if there was any indication that the kilted delivery man had invaded his home and possibly his husband's fantasies.

It was impossible to tell because the window coverings had been drawn tightly and the street angle prevented him from being able to into the flat.

It was cold and windy, and Dan had gone without a coat, insisting that it would distract from his overall look. Phil thought that it was absurd and wrapped a scarf around him as he kissed him goodbye.

Dan couldn't believe his luck. He could see the kilted, Santa-hat wearing, beefcake walking toward their flat from the opposite direction. He was lugging their tree over his shoulder with ease, which was something that would surely impress Phil.

"Hey there, Mate." Dan rushed up to the strapping lad. "You headed to Phil Lester's place?"

"Excuse me?" The man was confused by Dan's question. He had a delivery to make, and there was no time for silly games.

"The tree. Is this for Phil Lester?" Dan pointed to the building beside them. "It's kind of important."

"Hey, Man, I have a job to do. Sorry, can't help you." The man side stepped Dan and kept walking.

"Please! I'll pay you! Stop ... please." The man turned around, nearly hitting a passerby in the head with the trunk.

"What are you on about?" The delivery man had to be cold, his kilt flapping against his hairy legs.

"Phil Lester is my husband. This is our tree. I want to surprise him ... please." Dan thought that the man might take pity on him seeing as how he was not wearing a proper coat or gloves.

He stopped and stood the tree on end next him, gripping the center with a gloved hand. "Whatever, Mate."

"Thank you! Okay, here's £150. Switch me clothes?" Dan looked ridiculous, begging a perfect stranger to give him his clothing.

"Are you on drugs, Mate?" The man laughed. "These clothes belong to my employer. I'll get sacked."

"No, no you won't! Tell them you got robbed. Come back tomorrow and I will switch you back. Please?" Dan was freezing. He hoped that he could appeal to the man's romantic side.

"Come on Bro, please. I will get on my knees on the pavement if I have to." Dan looked like he might cry.

"Fuck. Fine. Where are we going to do this?" The delivery man rolled his eyes.

"Thank you so much! You have no idea!" Dan looked around. "Coffee shop?"

The men swapped clothing in what was, without a doubt, the single most ridiculous scenario to ever play out in the Java House’s men's room.

"I look like a tool." The delivery man grumbled to himself. Dan ignored him, admiring himself in the kilt and hat.

"Thank you. What's your name again?"

"Gregory. And here is my card. I will be at your place tomorrow morning at 8:00 am for my uniform. Don't be late."

"Yes, Sir. You got it. Thank you. Here is £200 for being such a good sport." Dan was excited. The tree, which was propped up against the picture window at the front of the shop, looked a little intimidating. Why in the fuck did Phil have to order a nine-foot pine? Just because they had a twelve-foot ceiling? Christ.

Dan had to admit that he looked good in the kilt. It was a bit large in the waist, so it settled around his hips. The Santa hat was a bit big as well, but that wasn't the important part.

It wasn't easy watching Gregory walk away in his favorite Alexander McQueen jumper and ripped jeans. The man refused to switch shoes, so Dan looked a bit foolish.

The tree was impossibly heavy. Still, he made it to the front door. He was huffing for air, being severely out of shape, and it took him a minute to compose himself.

He rang the bell, and his tummy flipped.

Phil's face was worth every pound and every second in the bitter cold.

" _Dan?!_ " Phil actually screamed. Dan laughed, but willed himself to stay in character. 

"Phil Lester?"

He had so many questions, yet all he could do was stare at his sexy husband ... in a kilt ... with a tree over his shoulder.

Where were his clothes? Why was he home early? And what in God’s name did he do the delivery man?

"Dan ... oh my God." Phil opened the door wider, inviting him to get in out if the cold.

"I have your tree, Sir." Dan smiled. "Where do you want me to put it?" Dan winked, and Phil thought he might pass out.

"O-over there please." Phil played along, pointing to the corner of the upper lounge. He looked Dan up and down and bit his lower lip.

"Is your wife home?" Dan said as he balanced the tree against the wall.

"No wife." Phil smiled.

"Girlfriend then?" Dan smirked.

"Husband actually." Phil smiled proudly.

"Oh. So, then you probably aren't interested in helping me with this kilt then." Dan circled his hips and lifted the edge to reveal a little more of his thigh.

"Well ... I am not expecting him for another hour. He’s speaking at an important event." Phil winked.

"Oh, really?" Dan smirked. "Mind if I stay awhile, just to warm up?" Dan walked toward him, hands on his hips. His cheeks were rosy, and his hair was windblown. Phil thought that he looked positively gorgeous.

"Sure. I don't see them harm in that. My husband won't mind." Phil invited him to sit on the sofa.

"Excellent." Dan sat down. "I'm so cold."

"I imagine. I mean, your legs must be freezing. My husband probably wouldn't mind if I rubbed them for you." Phil stared down at his pale, smooth legs.

"Yeah? That would be really nice of you, Mr. Lester. Thank you." Dan tucked a hand between his thighs.

"It's the least I can do." Phil moved closer, smirking as he fingered the edge of Dan's kilt.

Dan wondered if he could get Phil to bend him over the sofa and fuck him in the kilt. He visualized the material bunched around his hips, the Santa hat bouncing on top of his head as Phil thrust into him from behind.

Phil pulled Dan's bare legs into his lap and stroked them. "What's your name?"

"Gregory." Dan tried not to laugh. "But you can call me Baby."

Phil coughed. Dan was really good at this, too good really. He was so turned on by the amount of effort that Dan was putting into this little surprise. Phil didn't want to ruin it by asking questions.

Phil nodded. He ran his long fingers behind Dan's curved calves and up along the sides of his thighs. Dan smiled, shifting closer. Phil pulled his hands back.

"You know, Mr. Lester wouldn't like this. If he walked in right now, he would be very angry." Phil shook his head. "He gets kind of jealous."

"Jealous?" Dan giggled. "Poor guy. I can't say that I blame him though. You are a beautiful man. I bet people come on to you all the time."

Phil laughed. "Thanks, and yes, but it doesn't affect me. I only have eyes for one man."

"And me." Dan playfully swat at the white ball dangling from his Santa hat.

"No ... umm, what?" Phil blushed.

"No?" Dan smirked seductively. He batted his lashes and bit his lip.

"Well, you  _do_  look a lot like my husband." Phil giggled. "So, yeah."

"Do you think he would mind if you kissed me? I’m so cold."  Dan sat forward and licked his slightly-chapped lips. "Just a little one?"

"Oh, I am sure he would understand one little kiss." Phil leaned forward to meet him. "Besides, you're freezing. It's the decent thing to do."

Dan smiled and waited for Phil to kiss him. Their lips touched, and Dan felt warmth spread throughout his body. They made soft sounds, their lips meeting and separating repeatedly.

Phil pulled back and looked in Dan's eyes. "You know, your boss might be looking for you. Surely this isn't your last delivery."

"This is the end of the line for me." Dan kissed him, breathing against Phil's soft cheek.

"Are you warming up?" Phil whispered into his mouth.

"M’getting there." Dan brought his hands up to hold Phil's face as he continued to kiss him. "Keep kissing me."

Phil slipped his tongue into Dan's mouth. They moved in and out of each other, light moans between them.

Phil reached down to rest his hands over Dan's bare thighs. He squeezed them lightly, and Dan giggled.

"So, do you like wearing a kilt?" Phil stroked even higher, lifting the material.

"Not really ... but I'm glad that I'm wearing it now." Dan pushed his hips up into the air as Phil's hands slid under the fabric toward his underwear.

"It's nice." Phil moved his fingers over the hot bulge in Dan's Calvin Klein briefs. "I like it."

"Thank you, Mr. Lester." Dan gasped. "You know, I hope that you don't mind me saying so, but you are really good at this. Your husband is a lucky man."

Phil smiled sweetly. "I'm the lucky one." He walked his fingers backwards over Dan's clothed cock. "You should see him. He’s gorgeous."

Dan moaned. "Do you think he would mind if you bent me over the back of this sofa and fucked me silly?"

Phil froze. Dan was really going for it. "Mmm, he probably  _would_  mind. But he doesn't have to know." Phil unbuttoned his pants and nodded toward the side table.

"We keep lube in there. Hand me some?" Phil took out his long cock and stroked a couple of times.

"You keep lube in your lounge?" Dan popped the cap and drizzled a fair amount into his own palm. "You two fuck a lot?"

Dan warmed the lube between his palms and reached down to coat Phil's cock.

"We fuck all the time." Phil moaned at the feeling of Dan's hands on him. "We're crazy about each other."

"Maybe if he shows up, he can join us?" Dan kissed him. Phil whimpered.

"Yeah ... maybe." Phil couldn't believe how much this was turning him on. "Have you been with a man before, Gregory?"

"Never." Dan turned around and let Phil flip the edge of his kilt over his ass and up on top of his hips.

"You must be tight, Baby. Let me finger you first. Bend over the sofa for me and relax, yeah?" Phil traced Dan's hole with his wet fingers and pushed inside.

"Oh, fuck." Dan pushed his ass back toward Phil. He rolled his hips, and he could hear the wet sounds he made.

"You do this to your husband?" Dan sighed. He couldn't wait for Phil to fill his ass.

"Yeah, and he loves it. Besides, he doesn't have much of a choice ... my cock is so big, and he is so tight ... it would hurt him."

Dan gasped. He needed Phil to keep talking. This role-playing thing was hot as hell.

Phil pushed into Dan, his ass warm and tight. He felt amazing.

"Jesus Christ."

"Oh fuck." Dan gipped the sofa. "You weren't kidding."

"You like this, Baby?" Phil leaned forward and lay on Dan's back for a moment. "Just wait until I start thrusting. That’s his favorite part. You should hear the way he moans."

Dan felt so full. He could feel the kilt bunched up high on his hips, and Phil's cock splitting him open. "Please ... move ... please." Dan mumbled into the cushion.

Phil fucked into him, rounding his cheeks with his hands. He kneaded the firm flesh, spreading Dan's cheeks to fill him more deeply.

"Fuck, Dan ... you feel so good, Baby."

Dan allowed his head to bob. "Yeah? You feel pretty fucking good too, Phil ... I missed you."

"This is so hot..." Phil panted as he pumped, and he could feel a hot knot developing deep in his abdomen. "How did you ...? Shit, Dan."

Dan whimpered and whined at Phil's depth. It was not often that they made love with so little foreplay. It was pretty hot to be doing this: Phil fully clothed, and Dan in a stranger's uniform.

"Fuck me harder, Phil. Harder please!" He slammed back into Phil's hips, and the sound of their skin meeting echoed throughout the lounge.

Phil changed his angle and grabbed Dan's hips. He was close, but he would not let himself come until his husband did. He reached around under the thick material of the kilt and held Dan's aching cock.

"Let me take care of you, Baby ... such a sexy delivery man." Phil rolled his thumb around on top of Dan's leaking head, wetting his length with his slippery liquid.

"Christ, Phil!" Dan bucked and whined. "I'm gonna come ..."

Dan was feeling entirely too good to think clearly. If Phil hadn't jerked up the front of the kilt, Dan would have spilled all over it, staining it completely.

"Phil!!" Dan fell forward, caught himself, and allowed his husband to finish.

"Oh, _fuck_." Phil spilled up inside of him, clawing Dan's back as he contracted uncontrollably.

Phil wrapped his arms around Dan's waist and sighed. 

"What was that?"

Dan laughed. "It was a surprise ... a sexy one. Were you surprised, Philly?"

"I have never been so surprised in my life, Dan." Phil pulled out of his husband and giggled. Dan stood, Phil's come dripping out of his ass and on to the hardwood floor. "Where in the world are your clothes?!"

"About that ..." Dan accepted a wad of tissues from Phil and held the kilt up high and away from the mess. "They will be here at 8:00 am. Gregory will be pissed if I am late." Dan stood up slowly.

"Gregory is real?!" Phil laughed. "Oh my God, Dan. I don't believe this. He has your clothes?"

"It's a long story, Phil. I wanted to surprise you. And yes, I bribed the delivery man to switch me clothes and let me deliver the tree."

"God, I love you, Daniel Howell." Phil kissed his face.

"I love you too, Philly. And someday, when I am not so damn sleepy, I will tell you the whole story."

"Well, I’m sure I will love it." Phil rubbed Dan's back and smiled.

"I sure hope so, because this little bit of fun just cost us £200."


End file.
